The New Wet Patch

Most mornings, my colleagues and I who have kids have the "how was night" conversation. It is characterised by both jocularity and a certain amount of one-upmanship.

P: Morning all. I'm shattered. Bloody kid woke me at 5am.

B: That's nothing. Suzy weed in our bed and we all had to decant to the kids' bunk beds.

Me: Aah, kid's urine in your bed. The new wet patch. (Howls of laughter from entire office). That's nothing. Mine poohed in our bed last night. Lucky it was firm and his Spider-Man pyjamas held it in.

The new wet patch. I think that says it all. Everything changes when you become a parent. Everything is now relative to the fact that you have children. Some of it is great. Some of it is quite simply tragic. Trying to sleep with your feet in cold kid's wee is tragic. More tragic though is the fact that that as long as your kid is in your bed, that's the only wet patch you're gonna experience.

I have recently made another change and returned to work full time. I wasn't managing trying to be a mum in the afternoons whilst I had clients calling me up on the phone. I know women are supposed to be able to multi-task but I just couldn't deal with a language challenged (can't say mum yet) but certainly not vocally challenged (instead of talking she screams long high and loud) 18 month-old daughter, a four year old son who simply had to show me how his parasaurolophus could hang from his pirate ship, AND offer my client considered advice on their current crisis. Dear client, I often wanted to shriek, I am having my own crisis. It may not be costing me millions, but it may well cost me my sanity.

So sanity now prevails in my home. It's not easy. I feel guilty a lot about how much time I spend with my kids but they seem to be adjusting just fabulously. Now we just have to make some changes to our current sleeping arrangements and ensure the wet patch is the one we all remember from before we had kids.