Censored in cyberspace: Confrontation and technology can be a fabulous combination

Sometimes it's quite tiring living down here on the southern tip. Emotionally tiring I mean. Maybe I just need a holiday. But my Pollyanna sensibility left me briefly today when a new client wrote a one paragraph fax stating that they were unhappy about the demographics of our client service team. Despite us having won the pitch, and the client having met the entire team during that pitch. The client even announced our winning the account in the business media - and then the letter.

While Black Economic Empowerment in its local form is a uniquely South African phenomenon, affirmative action is not, and has been used to some good effect all over the globe. But it got me thinking and I realised that my problem was not with the client's request for us to address the demographics of our team, but the WAY it was communicated to us. I couldn't engage with them over it, we couldn't discuss it, there was no back and forth. It left me feeling powerless, a bit angry and a little confused.

And as new tools for communicating hit the market, it is getting easier and easier to avoid confrontation, and that ostensible good thing: the face to face which allows for a back and forth discussion.

But I realised this is not always a bad thing. Take the sms for example. As I was leaving work the other day my cellphone beeped. A message from my 8 month old daughter's nanny to say: "We have to talk. I thought I was 6 weeks pregnant but actually it is 32 weeks." Well, as it was the first I'd even heard of her being pregnant I almost gave birth for her right then and there in my open plan office.

We talked when I got home and once I was over the shock, I realised that the sms had actually helped. My nanny had been terrified to tell me that she was pregnant and the sms broke the ice. By the time I had got home I already had four contingency plans swimming around in my pond of a brain.

Not that I am scary, and confrontation is certainly not my own strong point. I naturally shy away from it. But I am her employer and there is that eternal unavoidable unequal power dynamic inherent in such a relationship which always makes confrontation hard. In this case, the sms gave us both time to think before we spoke.

And then there is the blog. I got booted off a group blog the other day. I was quite shocked. I was even a little hurt. Actually I wasn't booted, but the moderator would not post my comment until I rewrote it to change my tone which was considered too personal. So I bailed.

I began blogging for a many reasons, but chief amongst those was the opportunity to rant, to comment freely on whatever I felt like. I was euphoric after my first two posts. Even more excited when I was invited to join this group blog. But then I got censored. Censored in cyberspace, I didn't realise it could happen. But of course it does. I am censoring myself as I write this. BECAUSE OTHER PEOPLE READ IT. It satisfies another reason behind my need to blog: not only to be published, but also to be read.

Cyberspace, emails, blogs and chatrooms are a blessing for those of us who have opinions, want to engage and confront, but aren't great at doing it face to face. Call me a coward but technology has created some space for those of us with difficult, sassy or downright slanderous things to say.

As with everything there's a limit though. Getting dumped by sms must be a real bummer - you can't even throw a drink in the bastard's face!